A Fresh Vision for Grandparents — Week 2

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Apr 02, 2025

Last week, I covered the first three lessons I’ve learned as a grandparent, and this week I’m sharing the final two. Our 21 grandkids are now all teens or in their early 20s, so I’ve had many opportunities to learn lots of lessons! I hope you’ll share these with some friends you know.

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Day Four:

Initiate Time Together

“Love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Matthew 22:37-39, NLT)

John and I have a very simple vision for our family. It comes from the above verse. We want our kids and grandkids to love the Lord with all their hearts and to care for each other. Of course, there is much more we desire for them, but this is the first step.

When our grandkids started to arrive, we began to pray this verse over them as we had over their parents.

But then as more grands arrived, we asked ourselves, “how can they love one another when they don’t even know each other?” (Only one set of our grands lives in our town.) We decided we needed to initiate a time for our grandkids to be together, a “Cousin Camp.”

At our first camp we had five cousins from three different families–ages ten, eight, five, five and four. Camp ran for three nights and four days, and parents were not allowed. Seeing the results of this first camp, we knew we had to do it again. Something special had begun. For eleven years we hosted Cousin Camp and the last three years we had twenty-one grands attend. We’ve made lots of mistakes, planned carefully and thrown out plans, laughed uproariously, separated quarreling kids, cheered when kindness overcame selfishness, and fallen into bed exhausted, but above all we’ve had a blast. It has truly been one of the highlights of our life together.

Today our grands are teens to young adults, and we are amazed at the relationships God has built amongst these cousins.

How do we initiate time together?

Take a small first step.

You may have one or two grandkids. They may not have cousins. Start with what you have. Have one child come visit you by himself. Simply spending time with your grandchildren without their parents is special, a time of focusing just on them. Utilize the “clue in principle.”

You may not know what a certain child likes or dislikes. Ask the parent to “clue you in.” What does this child like? Legos, crafts, ball games, coloring, cooking, reading? Does this child have any fears that I need to be aware of? Being “clued in” will help you know what plans will work and what will not work. If you play with your grands when they are little, they’ll be more likely to talk to you when they are teens.

Share your life and your faith.

At one of our camps, John invited the older boy cousins into his study. He shared with them that when he was in high school, he began to read the Bible, take notes in a journal, write his own prayers and Scripture references. Pulling old journals off his shelf, he showed the boys some old entries and mentioned that he was still doing this 50 years later. A few years later, one of the boys recalled this time and asked “Poppy” a question about his personal quiet times. We don’t know what our grandkids will latch on to!

A Promise and a Prayer

“One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty.” (Psalm 145:4-5, NIV)

Father, show us the best way to be with our grandkids in the coming months. Show us how to share with them in ways they will hear about your love for them and please give each child a hunger and a love for your word. Today, help us to take the initiative to put something on our calendar.

Day Five:

Remember They Are His Kids

“Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.” (Hebrews 7:25, NIV)

“And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.” (Romans 8:26, NLT)

Not one of us wants to be a bad grandparent. We long to do this “right.” But sometimes in our longing we put too much pressure on ourselves. We fail and we feel guilty. We think it’s all up to us. I have felt this way with my own kids and now with my grandkids. And then I discovered the above verse.

It’s not all up to me! Jesus himself is praying for me and for this child, this grandchild.

What a relief. In my imagination I picture Jesus sitting at the right hand of the Father pulling on His sleeve saying, “Father, I am interceding on behalf of this child. He needs your…”

We don’t choose the families into which we are born. God does. And all families are messy.

It helps to recognize that God isn’t shocked by your situation. He sees it, understands it and can redeem it.

As we partner with him, consider these concepts:

1. Avoid the comparison trap.

It’s all too easy to look at that other family and say to ourselves,

“Their family seems so perfect and mine is a mess.”

“Their other grandparents get to see the grandkids more than we do.”

“I’m a single grandparent so how can I make a difference in the lives of these grands?”

There is no perfect family. No one has it all together. Just like Adam and Eve, we want what we don’t have. Looking at another family can either inspire us or discourage us. We need to look at other families not through lenses of jealousy or envy but with eyes of grace and thanksgiving. We must choose to learn from other families, adopting what they have done that might work for ours and leaving out what does not relate to our family.

2. Don’t look for appreciation.

One of the biggest complaints I hear from grandparents is that my adult children or my grands “do not appreciate me. They don’t appreciate that I do…or did…”

Do not expect appreciation.

I remember riding in my parents’ car from South Carolina to Alabama in the back seat with five littles including nursing twins who screamed most of the way. Arriving at my folks’ home, I dumped my kids on them and went for a walk and then took a nap alone. I assumed they would care for me and my kids the next several days. Did I appreciate them or write a note to thank them? I don’t think so. Now I wish I had but then I was too tired and overwhelmed with my life. It’s unrealistic to expect appreciation from our kids. We need to let that go and choose to extend grace instead.

3. Practice forgiveness.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to go to my husband or to my children and say, I shouldn’t have said_ or done_, or I need to ask you to forgive me for__. I can’t remember a single time that I’ve felt like doing this. I would rather say, “but if you had or if you hadn’t…”

We ask forgiveness not out of feeling but out of obedience. God has told us to do this. (1 John 1:9). Asking forgiveness does not mean trust is restored and healing is complete. It can take a long time for this to happen but asking for forgiveness opens the door for healing to begin.

One of the biggest heartaches in today’s world is families whose members are alienated. This breaks our heavenly Father’s heart, our Father who longs for us to love one another. If there is a broken relationship in your family, be the one who takes the first step to ask for forgiveness. And leave the results up to God.

4. Remember they are His kids.

God has given us the exact kids and grandkids in the exact birth order not merely so that we can raise them but in order that they might be His tools in our lives to grow us into a closer relationship with Him. Ask God, “What might you want to show me through this child?”

5. Our primary job is not so much to train them as it is to enjoy them.

God is at work even if we can’t see it right now. He is not in a hurry. He does what is best, not necessarily what is fast. He is working while we are waiting. And in the waiting He has much to teach each one of us.