Simple Ways to Raise Generous Kids in a "Satisfy Me" World
Here in the United States, many of us live in a culture of plenty. Most of the people reading this blog post have a roof over their heads, food to eat, clothes to wear, a vehicle for transportation, and access to the internet. Yet, the majority of people in our country do not. Poverty abounds, and we blind ourselves to this reality. Poverty is ugly. It makes us sad. It makes us feel guilty. It’s easy to become judgmental of those who can’t seem to improve their circumstances. What’s wrong with them?
Our gut tells us we should do something about it, but we often don’t know how or what.
Our kids are growing up in this climate of plenty. It impacts not only us but our children.
Culture’s message is: “Satisfy me. Make me happy.” But God’s message is: “Deny yourself, Serve others.” (Luke 9:23, Ephesians 6:7)
How do we raise our kids to be generous, to serve others?
We have to recognize two dangers of wealth and then become proactive and creative in raising generous kids.
The danger of “adult peer pressure”: The message we often hear from our own peers can be so subtle. Another parent sends their child on a fancy vacation, provides the latest device, the “in clothes,” and tutors of all kinds, from academics to sports, etc. The subtle message is this is what a good parent does. An idol could be: we want our child to be a success. It’s so easy to fall into this pressure from our peers without even realizing it.
So what do we do: Have a conversation with your spouse (or another couple). Ask: how might we be impacted by this type of adult peer pressure, and what can we do about it?
The danger of “taking for granted.” It’s all too easy to take for granted our income–no matter how large or small. It’s natural for our children to expect their parents to provide not only their necessities but also their wants. It may be natural to expect our older parents to come through when we need them to, our friends or colleagues to cover our “lacks.” It’s easy to develop unrealistic assumptions. Sometimes, we even expect God to come through for us. He does always come through, but not necessarily in the way we expect. His longing for us is that we learn to deny, not to acquire. We always rest in the assurance that He will never leave us. (Hebrews 13:5)
Contemplate the dangers of wealth but consider three ways to raise generous kids.
Model generosity.
A young businessman had a brother-in-law with four kids who was still paying off college debts. This man had a job, as did his wife, but was struggling to make ends meet. The businessman called his brother-in-law and told him that he was sending a check to pay off all his remaining school debts. He did not tell others he was doing this. He was merely obeying a message from God.
A friend carries zip-lock bags in her car. In the bags, you’ll find energy bars, a healthy juice, a food gift certificate, and a Bible track. When she encounters beggars on the road or elsewhere, she gives them a bag. Her two young children delight in rolling down their window to hand out the gifts.
A family with five kids “adopts” a needy family in their town to serve by bringing meals, gifts, and even doing chores.
Let your children know where you give your money. Supporting our local church ought to be our priority. However, there are many other places we can give and involve our kids in giving.
Generosity involves not only finances but also simple caring without expecting anything in return. Ask, who is a child in your class who seems lonely? How can you reach out to him or her today? Is there a neighbor whose lawn we can care for (for free?) Does someone need a meal? Is there someone to whom we can write a note of encouragement? (Buy some postcards, stamp them, and have an “after dinner writing party” in which each person thinks of someone to write on the card.)
Teach your children to tithe and involve them in “giving decisions.”
Once your children have any money of their own, tithing should be the standard from which we begin to give (Genesis 28:22). A tithe is merely the starting place. Our goal is to increase our giving steadily. The real blessing comes when we can’t afford to do this. Giving can be painful, but the joy that results is the true gift.
It’s helpful to designate an allowance as separate from completing chores. Doing chores should be a regular part of being in a family, not something for which you get paid. One day when our kids are adults, they will need to do chores in their own home, and they won’t get paid!
Many children are given allowances. Help them figure out a way to tithe these monies and any other they make. They may want to open a special tithe account in which to place these monies.
If they are young, give them three jars: one to spend, one to save (10%), and one to tithe (10%).
When we first married, we opened a separate bank account called the “Special Account” into which we deposited our giving money. This enabled us to be accountable and organized.
A friend of ours has three kids. Each child has adopted a Compassion child, which they support with their own money. The pictures of these children occupy a prominent place in the kitchen to remind the family to pray for each one.
Cultivate the habit of appreciation.
One of the biggest lacks in our culture today is that of appreciation. Grandparents and parents feel taken for granted. Friends are rarely appreciated. Employees and employers are let down by a lack of appreciation from their colleagues. Thank you notes have become a thing of the past.
I still remember a very long car trip with my parents from South Carolina to Alabama. I had five small children in the car, including nursing twins who screamed most of the way. I don’t know how my dad managed to drive that long distance with my cranky children. When we finally arrived at my parents’ house, I handed the kids to them and went to bed. Looking back, I wonder if I ever thanked them? I doubt it, and I still feel sad that I didn’t. I simply took them for granted.
One of our sons is a college philosophy professor. He has large classes with some interested students and others who text or fall asleep as they complete their core requirements. However, occasionally, he receives an email from an appreciative former student thanking him for the difference his class made in their life. This small token of appreciation means a lot. (He shares them with me, so I’m blessed, too! And, of course, I save them in a file.)
Generosity is a character trait. It’s important to talk about character with our kids. And this is not simply one conversation. It’s a conversation we need to have over and over.
Recently a 17-year-old was asked, What’s your goal in life? His answer was, “to make a million dollars by the time I’m 20.”
To me, this was a very sad answer and a very insignificant goal.
As your kids reach the teen years an effective way of communicating with them is by asking questions and having a free-for-all discussion.
Ask, “What kind of person do you want to become?”
“What will help you become that kind of person?”
“What do you need to avoid?”
Reassure them and ourselves of Paul’s proclamation in Philippians 1:6,
“For I am confident that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Read more like this:
How NOT to Raise Entitled Kids: 27 Practical Ideas | Why Thank You Notes Matter
So many great, practical suggestions! Thanks, Susan!